it's all coming back to me now
by The Fluff Queen
Summary: AU. Costars turned lovers, Rachel and Jesse are separated when he tells her his biggest secret. It takes three years for her to reappear. What caused her return to his life, and what secrets she's hidden from him?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **This is a plot bug that bit me and wouldn't let go until I wrote it down. I have the feeling it can go long, but I'm not sure (especially considering how short my time is nowadays when it comes to write). Wildly AU, so don't expect to see canon stuff coming in, other than the family stuff and some college-related stuff. I don't think Finn will show up, so Finchel fans please turn around and kindly leave. Other than that, feel free to review.

**it's all coming back to me now**

_chapter one_

**W**hen her wide, disbelieving eyes locked on the results of her home test, two wildly diverse emotions took over her racing heart.

One, quite obviously, was fear. She was 22, just starting her run on 'The Wizard of Oz' revival. It wasn't the right moment for this to happen to her. Her director, April Rhodes, had overlooked several famous actresses who would have gladly killed someone for the chance to play Dorothy, placing all her bets on Rachel Berry, a virtual stranger on the Broadway circles, with nothing to her resume other than her freshly received NYADA diploma.

The other, largely predominant one, was excitement. Yes, she was young. Sure, she would have to give up the role that would help her make her name. But there wasn't anyone in the world she would rather have a baby with than the man she **was** having a baby with.

Jesse St. James had been cast alongside Rachel and her best friends Kurt and Blaine. He was the Scarecrow, while Kurt was the Tin Man and Blaine the Cowardly Lion. When her dark eyes first met Jesse's clear blue ones, during the auditions, she felt a spark of… **something**… ignite deep within her, a something she hadn't felt before, ever.

Once she realized she had developed a crush on him, Rachel resigned herself to the fact that this crush would run its course the same way Rachel's few other crushes had done all her life. She would fall for him, and he wouldn't feel anything other than friendship for her.

So no one was more shocked than her when Jesse kissed her for the first time, during a cast night out celebrating the end of their first week of rehearsals. They were clearly the only two who were sober on their little group, and she was talking enthusiastically about her fathers' and her mother's excitement with the musical, when his soft, warm lips crashed against hers in a fiery lip-lock.

"Sorry", he told her breathlessly. "I've been wanting to do this since we first sang together".

"That's okay", she whispered, equally breathless, surprised to see that during the smooch her arms had found their way around his neck. "I've been wanting that too".

From then on they were inseparable. Because of April's and their producer's, William Schuester, stance against in-cast dating, their relationship obviously had to be kept a secret, a situation that deeply upset Rachel. She was as honest as they came, and she was so happy, so in love, she wanted to shout it out from the rooftops. However, Jesse managed to successfully convince her to hide their relationship just a little longer, and she agreed – quite hesitantly, but agreed.

Rachel's hand fell to her still-flat stomach. With this new twist of fate, their very carefully crafted plan of hiding their relationship until after their musical run finished its first month was definitely off the table. April and Will had a right to know their Dorothy would kick off her ruby slippers sooner than planned, and so did the cast.

But before telling them, Rachel had to tell the daddy-to-be. Fortunately, they had made plans to go out that evening since it was Saturday – and a quick glance at her wall clock sent Rachel scurrying to the bathroom, to eagerly get ready for her date.

Forty five minutes later, Rachel's intercom bussed and, after a last minute check of her appearance on the mirror, she pressed the button. "Yes?"

"Hi". The deep voice that came from the other side of the intercom sent a shiver of pleasure down her spine, staticky as it was. "It's me."

Rachel didn't answer, allowing him to get in her building. She frowned a little – usually, when they were going out, he would just tell her to come down, something that didn't happen now. Had he changed his mind about going out?

"All the better", she told herself as she fixed her appearance. She had chosen a white wool dress, paired up with black tights, black Uggs boots and black leather jacket. Her dark hair fell in loose, gentle waves down her shoulders, her skin glowing.

A small smile curved her lips as she remembered the reason for that glow, and it grew as she decided this was much better for what she had to tell him. A quiet night in was everything they needed for both to process the sudden shift in their lives.

However, when he arrived, Rachel's excitement gave way to concern. Jesse, who was as cool and collected as a cucumber, was clearly agitated, his dark curls disheveled, one of them rebelliously falling against his forehead. Taking his hand, she quickly led him to her small living room, sitting by his side on her old couch. "Jess, is everything okay?" She asked, worry in her voice.

He gave her a small smile. "Yeah, Rach. Everything is okay. Don't worry".

She saw he was struggling to keep his agitation on bay, and that made her increasingly worried. Her intuition kept telling her there was something wrong, and so she took his hands in hers, squeezing them gently. "You know you can tell me anything, don't you?"

A flash of something appeared in his face, and Rachel added confusion to her concern. Was it… guilt? Jesse took her hands in his and closed his eyes as he squeezed them, his shoulders dropping. "I know. Rachel… I have something to tell you".

She smiled at him, encouragingly. "You can tell me anything, Jess", she repeated.

He nodded but didn't say anything. They sat at the couch, their hands entwined together, Jesse deep in thoughts and Rachel just waiting for him to tell her whatever it was that he had to tell her.

"You know I love you, right?" He asked suddenly.

Rachel looked confused at him. "What kind of question is that, Jesse?"

"You know, right?" He insisted, his blue eyes filled with despair.

She squeezed his hands and smiled comfortingly. "I know. And I love you too".

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm engaged to someone else since I was eighteen".

Rachel blinked at him, owlishly. "Jesse…" She breathed. Her hands, inside his, were starting to shake. "Jesse, if that's a joke… It's not that funny".

He blew out a breath, eyes squeezed shut. "I'm so sorry, Rachel. I wish it was a joke".

She slowly tugged her hands free. "How could you?" She hissed, horrified. "So, all those times you kept pleading with me to keep us being together a secret… It was because you are engaged to someone else?"

He closed his eyes. "The way you say it, it sounds so horrible".

"That's because it **is** horrible!" Her voice was soft, which made it much more cutting. It also made Jesse feel much guiltier. If Rachel were screaming, he could handle it. She was as dramatic as he was, and her yelling was just that – Rachel being dramatic. But when she spoke like this, quiet and broken… He had never seen that side of her, and it terrified him.

"Rachel, please". He begged her. "I will break up with Andrea. I promise. I just need… a little more time to talk to her, to her parents, to **my** parents".

_But I don't have time to give to you!_ She jumped up as she thought, panicked. Time was precious for Rachel, now that she was pregnant. She was tiny, and the changes brought to her body by the pregnancy would soon be visible. No, she didn't have time to give Jesse.

Turning her back to him and strolling towards the window, Rachel stayed quiet. Her mind was quickly processing all the options she had, weighing the pros and the cons. Her shattered heart kept thundering in her ears, and she took a deep, gulping breath. "Get out", she breathed out, eyes closed so the tears wouldn't start rolling.

Jesse blinked at her, shocked. Walking slowly to her, he held out his hand to touch her shoulder. "Rach-"

"Don't touch me. Just… Please, just leave". Her voice was tired and broken, and she suddenly felt older than her 22 years of age.

Feeling his heart break, Jesse silently nodded and quietly left Rachel's apartment. _I'll just come back tomorrow_, he thought as he left. _Rachel will be calmer tomorrow, I'm sure._

But Rachel wouldn't be there the next morning. As Jesse left, she made a decision. Walking slowly to her bedroom, she picked up her phone and dialed a number. She felt her heart clench inside of her chest as the call tried to connect, and a small sob left her lips as the person she was calling picked it up.

"_Hello?_"

"I'm sorry to disturb your Saturday night, but can I come over? We really need to talk".

**T**he next day, Jesse arrived bright and early at Rachel's apartment. Pressing at the intercom button, he frowned when no one picked up. Rachel didn't usually go out on Sundays, taking opportunity of the free day to run some errands she normally couldn't during the week. He pressed again, fear creeping up in his veins as she still wouldn't pick up.

However, the intercom crackled and buzzed, signaling someone had answered it. But it wasn't Rachel. "_Who is this?_"

Jesse began to feel the first stirs of jealousy deep inside his guts when the male voice answered the intercom. It wasn't usual for Rachel to have male guests in her house, other than her fathers, and that voice wasn't from either Hiram or Leroy. "I'm sorry, who are **you**?"

"_You're ringing in, so…_"

Jesse grew irritated at the smug voice. "Fuck off. Where's Rachel?"

There was silence, and then… "_You must be Jesse_".

"Where is Rachel?" Jesse demanded.

"_She's gone_".

An icy shiver ran unpleasantly down Jesse's back. "What do you mean she's gone?"

"_She left. Moved out. Before you ask, I don't know where she is. Even if I knew, I wouldn't tell you. Have a good day_". And the man hung up.

Jesse blinked, stunned at the bomb dropped on him by this faceless, nameless stranger. Rachel had left? No. No, it couldn't be. Maybe she was still there, maybe this man was just a friend of hers that she had sent to answer the intercom and send him away?

Determined to talk to Rachel, he pulled out his cell phone and pressed the number to which Rachel's number was attributed to in his speed-dial list. Pressing the iPhone against his ear, he heard the call trying to connect once-

-and then froze as a robotic voice told him the number he was trying to reach was disconnected and no long in service.

With panic fluttering in his stomach, he raced to the nearest subway station while trying to call April Rhodes.

"_Hey, babe. What's up?_" April's accented voice seemed cautious when she finally picked up the phone.

"I'm sorry to bother you this early, April, but have you heard from Rachel recently?" He asked anxiously, as he trotted down the staircase that led to the subway station.

April was silent for a long time, and then she sighed. "_Yeah, babe, I heard from her. She called me last night_". She fell silent again and, when she spoke again, her voice was deeply apologetic. "_I'm deeply sorry, Jesse, but she quit_".

Jesse froze in the middle of the staircase. "Quit? No… She wouldn't!"

"_I'm really sorry, Jesse, really, I am, but she did. It's a good thing that you called. Tomorrow morning we start rehearsing with Sunshine as the new lead_".

He gaped. "You're giving Sunshine the role?"

"_It's only natural, babe. She _is_ Rachel's understudy after all_". April told him reasonably, and Jesse nodded dumbly. "_You okay, kid?_"

"No", Jesse said curtly, and hung up. It was clear Rachel had told April why she was quitting – after all, why would April apologize to him when she said Rachel had left?

The young man ran his hand through his now messy hair. What was he going to do now? Where could he go first to find Rachel?

He could try with her dads, surely, but Rachel was stubborn as a mule when she wanted to do something. If she didn't want to have anything to do with him (to the point where she had given up on something she had dreamed for years just to be away from him), then he didn't think there was anything he could do to find her.

He shook his head to clear it from pessimistic thoughts. No, he would find Rachel. She was somewhere and he would discover where. He just had to keep searching for her.

**to be continued**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** The song is Beyoncé's _I Was Here_.

**it's all coming back to me now**

_chapter two_

_**THREE YEARS LATER…**_

**J**esse woke up that morning with the familiar weight in his heart having seemingly doubled overnight. But that wasn't a surprise for him. Every year on this day, the ache on his heart grew furiously larger, threatening to consume every inch of his soul.

Today marked three years since he had last seen Rachel.

What a disaster telling her about his engagement had been.

He had been unofficially engaged to Andrea Cohen, the daughter of one of his father's associates, since he was fifteen. Born to parents who weren't in love with each other and only stayed married for convenience, having an arranged marriage didn't bother him all that much. After all, Andrea was pretty and they were good friends. She was a lesbian, but she couldn't come out to her parents or to anyone that could tell them, knowing they would exile her from their life if she shamed them in public, as she called it herself.

Once they turned eighteen, their parents started to subtly pressure them into getting married. Claire St. James had gotten married to Jonathan when she was eighteen, and Anne-Marie Cohen had done the same thing to her husband Isaiah. However, Jesse and Andrea managed to convince their fathers it would be best if they were done with college before they married. To soothe them, he got Andrea a ring and they moved on to college on different cities. He went to NYU and she packed up and left to UCLA.

Once they were done with college, Jonathan St. James and Isaiah Cohen took again to pressuring their children into getting married. But Jesse, again, managed to convince them he wanted to be successful as an actor before starting a new family, saying he wanted to make sure he could provide for his wife with his own money, not their families'. Isaiah was impressed, he could tell, but his own father wasn't; however, Jesse didn't care a bit. As long as he had Isaiah Cohen siding with him, he knew they would be okay.

Two years after that conversation, Jesse was cast in _The Wizard of Oz_ and met Rachel. He fell in love with her the moment he saw her sing, during the audition process, and he knew right away he had found the one he wanted to share his life with. Rachel was real, sweet, funny, caring and gorgeous. She was as driven and ambitious as he was, but with a tender side that he hadn't seen in any girl before. She sang with her heart, and being with her made him a better actor, a better performer, a better man.

That was when his arrangement with Andrea began weighing on him. Knowing he was hiding from Rachel something that was so important began to eat away at his conscience, and it didn't help that his parents, and Andrea's, began again with the pressure for them to get married. Now that he didn't have any reason to postpone the wedding, he began to panic.

He tried to tell Andrea she had to come out to her parents no matter how the outcome would be, but she adamantly refused. He understood she was terrified of losing her status of mommy and daddy's little girl, but he had much more to lose. Rachel wouldn't forgive him for his lie, and he couldn't imagine his life without her anymore.

At that fateful night when he blurted out his secret to Rachel, he came to his house from a heated argument with his father. Jonathan St. James had curtly told his son he wouldn't accept any more postponing from his part. He had to get married to Andrea before that year was over. Jesse had argued he didn't feel ready to get married, plus, Andrea didn't seem all that anxious to get married. But Jonathan wouldn't be moved from his position.

Then he fled to Rachel's apartment, and the rest was history.

Once he realized he wouldn't find her, he threw a fit with Andrea, and then his parents. He told Andrea she was spoiled and being selfish, and told her what exactly he had lost because of her own insecurities. Andrea's guilt was overwhelming, and she apologized profusely, stunned at seeing her lifelong friend so emotional over a woman. In fact, she embarrassedly admitted that for the longest time she thought he was gay and wanted to stay in the closet for the same reason she did.

With his parents the blowout was worse. Jonathan was furious over what he saw as cheating to Jesse's fiancée, and Claire, his mother, claimed she wouldn't ever be able again to look at Andrea's and her parents' face. Jesse actually didn't give a damn. He had already lost everything he had ever wanted in his personal life because of them, and they couldn't harm him professionally (oh, the perks of not following on his father's footsteps). So, he turned his back on them and walked away with no weight in his conscience.

He focused on the musical and his professional life. He pretended he didn't see the pity in April's eyes when she looked at him, the flash of concern in Will's. Of course, every now and then he would see a glimpse of a dark head full of hair in a petite woman and his heart would race, but it never was Rachel. He even thought he actually saw her, a year after she left, on the stage door crowd of his last show, but when he looked again she wasn't there.

After three years, one would think the pain would have lessened.

Maybe for some people it would have.

But not for Jesse.

For Jesse, Rachel's absence still ached like the first day. Every day, he couldn't stop thinking they were supposed to be married by now, maybe expecting their first child. A little girl, maybe, with his curly hair and Rachel's bright dark eyes? Or perhaps a little boy, with Rachel's glossy straight locks and his baby blues?

Those were his thoughts when he walked in the theater that morning. He was starting rehearsals for _Hairspray_, when Artie Abrams, an intern for their director, approached him. "Hey, Jesse. There's this guy waiting to talk to you".

Jesse frowned. "Who is he?"

"I don't know. He said he has a message to you. It's not from your parents, I've already checked", the bespectacled boy nodded.

"Thanks, Artie." Fixing his backpack strap on his shoulder, he massaged tense neck muscles. "Where's this guy?"

Artie pointed at a tall guy with dark, closely cropped hair and hazel eyes. He looked bored as Mike Chang, their choreographer, ran over the _You Can't Stop the Beat _number onstage with the cast, his long legs stretched in front of him and his feet propped up on the seat in front of the one he was sitting on. From what he could see, the guy was bulky, thickly-muscled arms bursting through his shirt sleeves.

Approaching him, Jesse tapped the guy's shoulder. "Excuse me. You wanted to talk to me?"

The guy stood up, his eyes flashing with something Jesse didn't understand as he shoved his hands on his jeans' pockets. "You Jesse St. James?" He drawled, cautiously.

Jesse nodded. "And you are?"

"I have a message for you", he said instead, pulling a wrinkled card from one of his pockets. Handing it out to him, he waited for Jesse's reaction.

It was a small, square card made of cream-colored thick paper. There was just one single word printed on the front of the card. "Callbacks", Jesse read, and frowned. "What's this?"

"Turn it over".

There was a neatly written message on the back of the card. Jesse's frown deepened as he read it.

_Today, 6:30 p.m._

_Show the card to the bouncer when you arrive._

_Don't be late._

"Who sent me this?"

"The person who will be waiting for you at Callbacks at that time", the man replied cryptically. "Don't be late", he reinforced, and left.

Jesse seriously considered ignoring the card and not going to this Callbacks thing, whatever it was. But something was prodding him into going, his natural curiosity taking the best at him as he packed up for the night and hurried to the subway station, so he could take the train to the address he could see printed on the bottom of the card.

It was a pub, filled with students. A tall, blonde, green-eyed man was the bouncer, although he looked so young he could pass for one of the students, watching the line with half-lidded eyes as he chatted lazily with an African-American guy who was leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed in front of his broad chest.

Without a word, Jesse gave the card to the blonde guy, who read it. His eyes widened and they slid up and down Jesse, as if appraising him. Showing the card to the African-American guy, he quietly mumbled something to the latter, who nodded. Nodding back, the blond turned to Jesse and told him, "Follow me".

He walked in the club, and Jesse followed him, hearing the grumbled complaints of the patrons waiting on the line. He could hear the smooth voice of the bouncer they had left behind (or at least he supposed it was his voice), but it vanished as they burrowed deeper into the club. From what Jesse could see, there was a small stage with a piano, a stool and a microphone. The guy who had taken the card to him was behind the bar counter, cleaning the polished surface with a rag, and he nodded at the blond, who nodded back.

They stopped in front of a door, which had a small star sticker on it. The blond knocked twice, and Jesse's blood froze in his veins as he recognized the voice that came muffled from the other side of the closed door. "Come in".

Once the man opened the door, Jesse came face to face, for the first time in three years, with the woman who had been haunting his dreams since the last time he laid his eyes on her.

The first thing he noticed was that Rachel had lost weight. She was already tiny three years ago, but she seemed frailer now, somehow. She was wearing dark skinny jeans paired with a long-sleeved white sweater, black leather belt and black leather pumps. Her rich dark hair was shorter than he remembered, tied back in a ponytail.

Silence fell over them. Jesse broke it. "Rachel", he breathed. Ignoring all the questions he had to ask, he raced to her and took her in his arms, squeezing her tightly. He felt tears prickling in his eyes, and he breathed deeply, trying to keep himself from crying. "Oh, my God, Rachel!"

She hugged him back, slightly, but soon left his arms, a guarded look on her face. A weak smile curved her lips. "Hey, Jesse". She shoved her hands inside her jeans pocket to hide how shaky they were. Her eyes slid up and down his body, and her heart clenched at how good he looked. She fidgeted and opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, there was a second knock on the door. "Come in", she said with a sigh.

A gorgeous Latina peeked in from the crack of the door, completely ignoring Jesse. "Hey, Rach. _El momento es llegado_"

Rachel smiled at the woman and nodded. "I'll be right there. Brad's here already?"

"_Si_", the Latina said and closed the door.

With a small, apologetic smile, Rachel turned to him. "I'm really sorry, but I have a performance to make. Maybe…" She seemed hesitant and then took a deep breath. "… maybe we could talk **after** I'm done? I won't take long, I promise. An hour, tops". She looked briefly at the door that led to the adjoining room and looked back at him. "We really have to talk".

"Of course", Jesse said and gracefully left the dressing room.

Left alone, Rachel quickly made her way to the adjoining room. Breathing deeply, she leaned heavily against the small vanity, trying to calm her racing heart. She didn't expect to see Jesse again, not after his lies and the pain they caused her.

A pretty blonde was watching her from her seat, a worried frown on her face. "Rach? Everything okay?"

Shaking her head negatively, Rachel fought against the onslaught of tears that threatened to take over her. The blonde hurried towards her and wrapped her arms around her shoulders, squeezing her gently. "Oh, baby", the blonde said. "Are you sure you have to do this?"

Hastily wiping the tears that bubbled in her eyes, Rachel nodded. "Yes, I am, Quinn. I can't do this alone anymore. I need help, and I need his help. She needs his help."

Quinn squeezed her again and kissed her cheek supportively. "Okay, Rach. If you think you must, then you must." She let go of Rachel, her heart clenching at the small purplish bruises that Rachel had carefully hidden with makeup on her clavicle.

Rachel knew what her friend was thinking. It had been a hard six months, and she had resisted as much as she could, but in the end she had to face reality. She needed Jesse's help, and the sooner she got it, the better, for all of them.

"Rachel?" Noah's voice came from outside. "It's time".

* * *

**T**he room was filled to the brim with people, mostly late teens and young adults, talking among themselves, socializing in a way Jesse hadn't done in years. Jesse himself was sitting by the counter, nursing a cold beer. The man who had taken him the card was the bartender and was shooting small glares at him, a deep frown etched on his forehead.

"So… who are you?" Jesse asked casually.

"Puck", the man replied. But before he could say anything else, the soft opening chords of a song began to echo on the room, and silence began to fall over the patrons. A single spotlight fell on the lone figure onstage, and Jesse's heart raced as he heard Rachel sing for the first time in three years.

**I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time**

**Know there was something there**

**And something that I left behind**

**Leave something to remember**

**So they won't forget.**

Jesse frowned at Rachel's choice of song. Why was she singing something so… morbid? He was half-expecting her to sing Adele's _Someone Like You_ or something like that, something that told him about the pain and the heartache he had caused her with his lies.

Puck was glaring murderously at him now, the pretty Latina standing by his side mumbling calming words in Spanish. "I know you want to kill him. I want that too. But remember, _él es el padre de la niña_".

"_Yo lo sé_", Puck growled. "But he can still talk to my fellow Jew with a few broken bones."

"_Rachel te va a matar si lo lastimas_", Santana warned him, turning to serve a patron.

**I was here – I lived, I loved**

**I was here – I did, I've done**

**Everything that I wanted**

**And it was more than I thought it would be**

**I will leave my mark so everyone will know**

**I was here**

Sitting backstage, a small walkie-talkie in her hand, Quinn felt tears bubbling in her eyes. The pain in Rachel's voice was palpable for everyone who knew what exactly she was going through. The blond bouncer, standing next to her, silently handed her a tissue, and she smiled gratefully at him through her tears, dabbing her eyes. "It's not fair, Sam", she whispered, checking the walkie-talkie again. "Rachel doesn't deserve this".

"Life isn't fair, Quinn", the blond, Sam, said sensibly. "Rachel hasn't made this decision without thinking deeply about the consequences, and I'm sure she weighed the pros and the cons".

"But… But it's not fair! He hasn't done anything to deserve-"

"Quinn!" Sam cut her, his voice as sharp as a whip. "He doesn't have to deserve anything. Rachel has made her mind. If you or any of us fight her in this, we're going to lose her."

More tears sprung to Quinn's eyes as she fell silent, acknowledging the truth in Sam's words.

**I want to say I lived each day until I die**

**And all that I had something in, someone's life**

**The hearts that I had touched will be the proof that I lived**

**That I made a difference and the world will see**

Jesse's felt the hair on the back of his neck prickle with something he couldn't quite put his finger on. Fear was gnawing on his heart as a sense of foreboding grew in his heart, eyes drinking every aspect of Rachel's appearance. She was slightly pale, shivering. Her cheekbones were more pronounced, sharper on her small face.

_Oh, Rachel… What's going with you? Why are you singing this song? What are you feeling?_

**I was here – I lived, I loved**

**I was here – I did, I've done**

**Everything that I wanted**

**And it was more than I thought it would be**

**I will leave my mark so everyone will know…**

… **I was here.**

The crowd clapped excitedly as Rachel wrapped her song up, a small smile on her face as she took her bows and thanked the patrons closer to the stage as she quickly made her way backstage. Jesse felt a firm nudge on his shoulder and looked back, coming face to face with this Puck guy's firm glare. "Go. She'll talk to you now".

Taking the last sip of his beer, Jesse put the bottle back on the counter and, taking a deep breath, marched back to Rachel's dressing room.

* * *

**to be continued...**

**Translations**

El momento es llegado: It's time.

Sí: Yeah.

Él es el padre de la niña: he's the girl's father

Yo lo sé: I know.

Rachel te va a matar se lo lastimas: Rachel will kill you if you hurt him.


	3. Chapter 3

**it's all coming back to me now**

_chapter three_

**W**hen Rachel arrived back at her small dressing room in Callbacks, Quinn was there, a dark frown on her pretty face. The small brunette sighed when she noticed her friend's unhappy look. "So, who starts? You or me?"

"Rachel, are you sure? He doesn't deserve it! He left you!"

The singer ran a tired hand through her thin hair. "It doesn't matter if he deserves it or doesn't deserve it. I'm not thinking of him. I'm not even thinking of myself. He's not the most important person in this equation, neither am I." She declared, quietly but firmly.

"But Rachel-!"

"Quinn!" Rachel cut her off, her tone not leaving space for arguments. "I've made my mind! There isn't anything you can say to make me change it!"

There was a heavy pause, Quinn obviously gearing up for fighting again, when there was a knock on the door. "Rach?" Jesse's muffled voice came from the other side. "Puck told me to come find you?"

Quinn's eyes sparked with anger, but Rachel ignored her clear displeasure. "Can you wait just another minute? Go back to the bar. I'll be right out". The brunette began gathering her purse and coat, clearly giving Quinn the silent treatment. The blonde's pretty face seemed to grow redder and redder, while Rachel carefully wrapped herself up.

Finally, the silence was too much for Quinn, who exploded. "You can't speak to that man! I won't let you!"

Rachel, finally dressed, turned calmly to look at Quinn. "You won't **let** me?" She repeated. Her face was relaxed, but there was an icy look in her eyes that chilled Quinn's heart, making her inwardly regret her previous words. "And who exactly do you think you are to tell me what I can do and who I can talk to?"

"I'm your friend and I don't want to see you hurt!"

"Knock it off, Quinn!" Rachel declared sharply. "I have my reasons to have searched Jesse after all these years and you know very well what these are! Now stop that before I choose to stop it for you!"

Having said her piece, Rachel held out her hand, and Quinn reluctantly gave her the walkie talkie. The brunette then marched to the bar counter, where a tense silence reigned between Noah, Santana and a clearly anxious Jesse. She approached her friends and told Santana, "I'm going out for the day. Tell Mercedes I'll give her a call later to explain everything".

Santana nodded as Rachel fixed the strap of her purse on her shoulder. The small brunette then turned to Jesse, her eyes guarded as she watched him for a moment. "Ready to go?" She then asked him softly, her face still guarded, unreadable.

Jesse nodded as he put his glass back on the counter. "How much do I owe you?"

"It's on the house", Noah told him curtly, and Jesse's heart clenched as he noticed how his face softened as he addressed Rachel. "Call me if you need anything, okay, babe?"

Rachel smiled at him and nodded, silent. She then walked to the door, breathing deeply the chilly night air. She shivered slightly as a cool breeze blew past them and wrapped her coat more firmly around her body. "I live nearby. Can you walk or is your wife waiting for you?"

"I have the time to walk. And I'm not married", he told her, heart racing as he told her that.

"Oh", the brunette made softly, but didn't add anything. Her own heart was racing as she pondered the ramifications of his words. _So he's not married?_ She thought as a spark of hope lit up in her heart. _Knock it off_, a small voice broke her hopeful reverie. _So he's not married, that doesn't change anything! He still lied to me!_

They made the trek in silence, both lost in their thoughts. Eventually, they reached a small but well-cared for building, and Rachel quickly punched the security code in. The door opened with a quiet, electronic peep, and the former couple walked in, warmth flooding them as the hall's heater efficiently warmed the room.

Jesse looked around curiously. It was a nice building, and he was thankful Rachel was living somewhere nice and safe. She deserved it more than anyone he knew. She silently led him to the elevators, and he made a mental note of the address and the floor she lived in – she pressed the button to the sixth floor on the elevator, and the metallic cabin slowly made its way to said floor.

When they reached the sixth floor, Rachel quickly made her way to the apartment 6D, with Jesse following her. She opened the door and stepped aside so he could come in after her. "Welcome to my home", she said quietly, closing the door behind him.

It was a nice apartment, indeed. Large for New York standards, it had a nicely decorated living room which was separated from the kitchen by a counter. A small hall led to what Jesse thought was the bedrooms, and he was surprised to see Blaine appearing from there. "Rach? Is that…" His former cast mate's eyes widened as they fell on him, shock flashing briefly in his features as Jesse struggled to keep his anger and jealousy in check.

He had lost all contact with his _Wizard of Oz_'s cast mates when they were done with their run. Actually, that was not true. Once Rachel left the production, he dropped all socializing and focused on work and his tries to find her. It hadn't even passed his mind to ask Blaine and Kurt if they knew where she was – it was clear one of them, if not both, knew, since Blaine was standing in front of him, gaping like a fish.

"Hey, Blaine", she greeted him quietly, "can you come in with me for a minute? I promise I'll explain everything".

Blaine broke out of his reverie with a shake of his head. "Yeah, sure", he said, and went back to the bedrooms. Rachel stayed where she was for a moment, and took a deep breath.

"Jesse, make yourself comfortable. I won't take long and then we can talk, okay?"

He just nodded as she followed Blaine in.

* * *

**"S**o… Brittany was right?" Blaine broke the silence that had fallen over him and Rachel. She tugged her coat off, put it on a hanger and carefully in a wardrobe, then leant forward to check her reflection in the vanity mirror. Her makeup was still immaculate, thankfully, but she knew Blaine could pick up on the pallor beneath it. It was a miracle that Jesse hadn't actually realized how pale she actually was, and she was grateful for that.

"Yeah", Rachel replied, taking a minute to breath easily. Her eyes locked with Blaine's caring, concerned ones, and she gave him a weak and supposedly reassuring smile. "Everything will be okay, I promise. Quinn's still being difficult about everything, but I know what I'm doing." A flash of guilt appeared on her slim face. "If I had done this sooner, maybe your relationship with Kurt would have been saved".

Blaine waved it dismissively. "Nonsense. You're a grown woman, Rachel. As your friends, our duty is to respect your wishes, even if we don't agree with them". The man's handsome face darkened for a moment. "Kurt made his choice to break up with me when I chose to support you, and I accepted it. I was tired of all the fighting and arguing anyway. It got tiring after a while".

Rachel nodded after a moment, and then stood up. "So, everything was fine here, I guess? Since there's no one awake and running, after all". She grinned, and he grinned back, nodding.

"Everything went peachy. Go, have your conversation with Jesse. I'll keep watch on things in here".

She smiled appreciatively at him and gave his cheek a peck. "You're an angel, Blaine".

* * *

**J**esse was sitting on one of the couches when she came back to the living room, his long, lean legs stretched out in front of him as he waited. He looked very relaxed and calm, but Rachel could see, from small, telltale signs, just how tense he truly was. His jaw kept ticking, and he nervously drummed his fingertips against the rough surface of his jeans. "Sorry I took so long. I had to check in some things with Blaine", she apologized, sitting down on an armchair.

"That's okay", he replied quietly. "So… he knew all along where you were, I guess?"

"Not… Not all along", she replied calmly. Jesse had a temper, and if he had been looking for her all this time, it was expected that it would come out once he realized she had kept in touch with some of their old acquaintances. "After… after that night", she took a deep breath; the ghost of that pain shot through her, "I left New York for good. I spent all night up, making calls and packing. I couldn't bear to stay in the city, so I decided to leave".

"I went to the apartment the next day, to explain everything. You weren't there. Some dude answered the intercom".

Rachel nodded. "I know. I went to Los Angeles for some time. Noah – the bartender in Callbacks – was there. We're childhood friends, he and I. He kept insisting that I flew in for a visit, and-" she bit her lip, hesitating, but then said anyway, "well, I wanted to get as far from you as I could, so I went there and stayed in the west coast for probably three or four months".

"And who was the guy?"

"Blaine's brother, Cooper. He's an actor as well, and he wanted to move to the city after he failed to make as a movie star in LA. I moved in his apartment and he moved in mine", she explained calmly. "After LA, Noah and I decided we wanted to go home, so we went back to Lima, Ohio".

Jesse fell silent. "And why did you decide that, all of a sudden, you wanted to talk to me again, Rachel? From what I can see, you have quite a nice life, here. And we would never run into each other now that you're a singer. We don't live in the same circles".

She nodded. "I know. I wanted it that way. But…" She bit her lower lip, hesitating again, but then took a deep breath and stood up. "Come with me. I have something to show you". She then walked to the hall that led to the bedrooms again, and Jesse, curious, stood up and followed her. There were three doors on the hall, one directly across from the other and the third one a little further in. One of them was closed, and Rachel stopped in front of it, putting her hand on the doorknob and turning to face him.

"Please keep your voice quiet", she whispered, and he nodded. She opened the door and walked him.

He followed her, and his breath left him.

It was a little girl's bedroom. The walls were painted pastel lilac, with white details. The furniture was also white, dolls and plush toys neatly stacked on a corner. There was a small TV, a DVD player under it, several DVD cases lined up beside. And on the bed, soundly asleep and clutching a plush duck Jesse could remember having won to Rachel in Coney Island, there was a little girl.

She was easily the most beautiful child he had ever seen. Her skin was soft, smooth and pink, her red lips open as she breathed. Her hair was dark, the long curls framing her angelic face.

It seemed an out-of-body experience was he watched Rachel, her face full of love and lips curved on a fond smile, tuck a stray curl behind the little girl's small ear and make sure she was neatly tucked under the bubblegum pink duvet. But he couldn't look away from the little girl's face.

It was the same face he saw in the few childhood pictures of himself he had in his own apartment.

Rachel then gently pushed him back to the hall, leaving the door slightly open so she could hear if the child woke up crying. Blaine appeared from the second door, a worried look on his face, but Rachel shook her head at him and he went back in, as she led Jesse back to the living room.

The actor then fell heavily on the couch, a stunned look on his face as his brain processed everything he had just seen. Rachel went back to the armchair she had been sitting on before, hands clasped on her lap to hide just how shaky she was.

"We have a daughter", he breathed after a long moment, blinking in stunned disbelief as he looked at her. "We do, don't we?"

Rachel nodded. "I was pregnant. I found that earlier that night and I was going to tell you when you came to see me and told me about your engagement". She looked away from him, her hand absently brushing her once-again flat stomach.

"Oh, God", Jesse fell back on the couch, head spinning. "How- how old is she? What's- what's her name?"

Rachel bit her lower lip and then replied in a whisper. "Her name is Noelle Claire St. James, and she's two and a half".

Her answer left him blown away. "St- St. James? You gave her my last name?"

She nodded. "You're her father", she pointed out reasonably.

He nodded. "I have a daughter", he breathed. A slow smile broke on his face. "**We** have a daughter, Rachel, that's amazing!"

A small smile appeared on her face. "We do", she replied quietly.

As joy and euphoria left him, other questions, serious questions, began to pop to the surface. "Wait, wait. Why you kept her from me all this time? Why have you searched for me now? Rachel, how could you?"

Her eyes darkened as she fought to keep herself calm. Her baby was asleep and it wouldn't do them any good if she woke up to her parents having a screaming match. "How could I? Jesse, when you dropped your little bombshell on me, I was still coming to terms with everything! I was 22 and on the way to achieving my dreams, but all of a sudden I was going to have a baby, and the man who had fathered my baby was going to marry someone else! I wasn't thinking clearly, I was hurt, heartbroken and furious! I just knew I wanted to get as far away as I could from you, and by the time I felt like myself again and not like a scorned, shattered woman, she was already in my arms. It was too late for me to waltz back into your life like nothing had happened. Plus, I had Noe to think of, I couldn't risk her being hurt as well".

All the fight seemed to leave him as her words began to sink in. Her reasoning made sense. No, he still wasn't happy she had kept their child a secret from him for three years, but he could see why she acted the way she did. He had been in the wrong, lying to her, and she had left in order to protect herself and her child from more hurt.

Plus, their baby girl was still young. He had time to bond with her, to make his impact on her life as her father. It wasn't irrevocably damaged, there was still room for repairs.

"Okay", he nodded, breathing deeply. "Okay. I'll recognize her as my own. We'll have that blank spot on her birth certificate filled".

"It's not blank", Rachel waved his concerns off dismissively. "Your name is there, listed as her father. And I don't want any money from you", she cut him off when she saw him opening his mouth to speak. "You're right – there's a reason I looked for you after all this time. If there wasn't, I wouldn't have found you. Noelle and I, we're doing fine. I'm making money singing at Callbacks and April wants me to star in her new musical".

"So April knew too?"

She nodded, clearly not ashamed. "I had to tell her why I was leaving the production. She adores Noelle". A small smile curved her lips. "I think she sees her as her granddaughter or something". The brunette then shook her head, clearing it, and her eyes were serious when she focused on her former lover's face. "Do you think you can handle another secret being revealed tonight, or it's been too much already?"

"Just spit it out", he told her. Surely there wasn't anything she could tell him that would leave him more shocked than the fact that two people from his former production knew where she had been all this time, and that he had a baby girl with her.

A second later, when she dropped her piece of bombastic news on him, he knew he was wrong.

This second news was way more shocking than the first two.

"I'm sick, Jesse", she whispered, her voice laden with pain. "I have cancer. It's leukemia"


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:** Thanks for the reviews. I love reading them! For those who are worried this will end with Rachel dying, I seriously doubt that will happen. I can't see myself writing such a thing. As my dear friend northstar61 said, for someone who is called 'The Fluff Queen', this isn't fluffy at all, but I don't think I'll make it that angsty. Sure, there won't be a happy ending any time soon, but there will be a happy ending. I promise. But half the fun of a story is the journey it takes before it reaches said happy ending, so let's carry on with it, shall we?

**it's all coming back to me now**

_chapter four_

**J**esse felt as if he had been punched in the gut and had the ground ripped off from under his feet. The Broadway actor fell back on the couch, eyes wide and face pale as he absorbed the bomb his former girlfriend threw at him. "No", he whispered, shaking his head. "No, you can't be, Rachel, I don't believe you".

The tiny brunette gave him a sad smile. "I wish I was lying, Jesse, I really do. But unfortunately, I'm not. I **am** sick, and I'll start the second round of chemo in two weeks, but no one knows how it can go, although the odds are in my favor in my case. I'm young and I took good care of myself before I learnt I was sick, so the doctors are hopeful."

"Then…" Jesse took a deep breath and watched her carefully for a moment. Rachel's attitude didn't match her optimistic words, and he frowned. "Then why aren't you?"

Rachel shrugged and looked away from him. "After everything, I've learnt to expect for the worst. It keeps me from feeling frustrated", she said cryptically, and stood up. She ran her hand through her thin hair, pain bubbling in her chest as she felt the thin strands.

Jesse nodded even though he didn't understand, and then something Rachel said clicked in his mind. "What do you mean, second round of chemo? How long have you known you're sick?"

"Six months", she said promptly. "But I didn't start chemo until a month ago".

Jesse frowned deeper. "Then why now? You've known you're sick for a semester now, and you didn't ask for my help then. Hell, you didn't ask for my help when you were pregnant and needing it the most. Why now?"

Rachel shrugged again and stood up, going to the adjoining kitchen. She filled a glass with water for herself and one for Jesse, and took it back to the living room. "I didn't ask for help when I was pregnant because I was hurt and angry. I didn't do it six months ago because I didn't think I was that sick when I first started feeling ill." She handed him the glass of water and sat back down. "But I am, and if there's one thing I've learnt during this ordeal is that I need all the help I can get". She took a long sip from her glass. "You're part of that help. Unless, of course, you don't want to help, then that's okay. I'll figure out something".

"Don't be stupid", Jesse snapped. "Of course I'll help. She's my daughter, and you're her mother. Try and stop me from helping to see if you'll succeed".

The brunette nodded slightly, but then a shrill cry interrupted whatever it was that she was going to say next. Then a tiny girly voice screeched, "Mama!" and Jesse's heart began pumping furiously in his chest.

A small, genuine smile lit up Rachel's face, and she stood up, briefly looking at him. "We'll be right back".

"You've lost it if you think you're going in that bedroom without me", Jesse stated firmly. Rachel rolled her eyes but nodded, and when she went to Noelle's bedroom he was hot on her heels.

Noelle was crying softly on her bed when they walked in, and her tiny face lit up when she saw her mother. "Mama!" She cried again, holding out her little arms for Rachel. The brunette picked her daughter up, and the little girl nuzzled her face against her mother's warm neck.

"Hey, baby, what's wrong?" Rachel asked her quietly, her voice dripping with love. Jesse, standing by the doorway, couldn't find in himself the strength to look away from the beautiful picture that seemed to have gotten out straight from his wildest dreams.

"Mama", Noelle whimpered and hugged her mother a little tighter.

"What's it, Noe? Bad dream?" Rachel was talking softly to her daughter, feeling the small body shiver beneath her arms. She pressed a kiss to the wet, soft cheek, and brushed her face a little against the small dark head of her child. "It's alright, baby, mama's here".

She began humming softly, and smiled a little when she felt Noelle relaxing in her arms. "You want to go back to sleep?" She asked quietly, sighing silently as the little girl, her face still hidden on her neck, shook her head negatively. "Alright then. I just came home from work, and…" Rachel shot Jesse a quick glance, seemed to ponder what she was going to say, then took a deep breath and smiled at her baby. "… and we have a guest, baby!"

Noelle curiously looked up from where she had hidden her face, and Jesse felt his heart quicken as her beautiful blue eyes – his eyes – locked with his. Her eyes widened, and she straightened a little bit, the blue pools turning to Rachel with an unspoken question. Rachel nodded, and Noelle turned back to her father, her voice small and unsure. "… Daddy?"

Jesse's heart skipped one, two, ten beats.

And then came back with a vengeance, pounding furiously inside his chest, as tears blurred his eyesight. "Hey, baby", he whispered, his voice thick with tears.

Noelle squirmed on her mother's arms, and Rachel gently put her on her feet; the little girl then padded softly up to her father, the blue eyes wide with surprise. Her little hand found the leg of Jesse's pants, and once her smooth skin made contact with the rough fabric, she hugged Jesse's leg tight, a beautiful smile – Rachel's smile – lighting up her round face. "Daddy!" She squealed.

The tears Jesse was struggling to keep at bay broke free from the feeble control he had over them and flowed down his pale cheeks. Kneeling in front of her, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight, hiding his face on her hair, breathing the sweet smell of baby and soap. Rachel, her own grasp at her emotions weak at best, silently sneaked away from them, going to her bedroom and leaving father and daughter to their emotional reunion.

* * *

**B**laine was by her side in a flash the minute she walked in her bedroom and pressed her forehead against the cold wall. He put a hand on her shoulder, concern darkening the handsome face. "Hey. Everything alright? I heard Noe screaming".

Rachel nodded tiredly. "She was having a bad dream and woke up."

"Oh", Blaine made. "And where is she now? Back to sleep?" He frowned, because, although Noelle was a deep sleeper, once she woke up and Rachel was home she wanted to be with her mother all the time, putting up quite a fight for such a little girl against going back to bed.

Rachel shook her head negatively and sighed shakily. "She's with her father". She closed her eyes tightly, and then felt Blaine's arms wrapping around her waist in a tight embrace.

"Breathe", he whispered in her ear, and she fisted the front of his t-shirt, gulping air through her mouth in a try to keep herself from weeping. "The hardest part is done. You told him you guys have a daughter, and that you're sick. Everything will be **fine** now".

Slowly, Rachel's thin body stopped shivering so violently under Blaine's arms, and her harsh breaths became calmer and normal. She stepped away from his embrace with a thankful smile, and he grinned back at her, affection blooming in his chest. Yes, he had lost a lover because of that girl and his support of her decisions. But he had gotten a friend in return, his best friend, who he loved and who loved him like a sister.

"Thanks, Blaine", she gave his cheek a small kiss and went back to the living room.

* * *

**R**achel found Jesse and Noelle on the living room, Jesse sitting on the couch and Noelle on his lap, talking excitedly about her daycare friends. Jesse was looking at the little girl with fascination, his blue eyes sparkling in a way that warmed Rachel's heart, his arms wrapped possessively around Noelle's lithe body. The brunette cleared her throat quietly, and Noelle brightened up even more (if that was possible) when she saw her mother.

"Mama!" She called happily and jumped from Jesse's lap, bolting to her mother. She took Rachel's hand and tugged firmly at it, leading her to the couch and pushing her legs so Rachel sat on it next to Jesse. Her arm accidentally brushed against his, and both froze at the small electric jolt that rushed through them at the small contact.

The two adults looked at each other, emotions bubbling on their chests, but Rachel was the first to look away, reluctant, for the first time ever, to allow herself to fall for his spell. Noelle was none the wiser to the little moment her parents shared, babbling happily as she made herself comfortable on Rachel's lap, her little hand playing with Jesse's longer, elegant fingers. "I was telling daddy about my school and granddaddy and grandpa and grandma and auntie Satan and auntie Q and uncle Noah!"

Jesse lifted a questioning eyebrow at Rachel. "Auntie Satan?"

Rachel rolled her eyes and shot a reprimanding look at Noelle, who smiled sheepishly. "Santana. My friend from Callbacks. A pretty Latina who tends to mix Spanish and English?" She told Jesse, who seemed to think about his brief hour at the pub and then nodded. "Someone has been listening a little too much to what Noah says", the brunette scolded lightly, and Noelle looked down, a faint tint of red on her cheeks.

"Sorry, mama".

Rachel looked seriously at her daughter for a little while longer and then smiled softly, kissing the little head full of curls. "That's okay, baby", she whispered, and Noelle gave her mother a bright smile – Rachel's smile, the smile that caught Jesse's eye the first time he saw her, all those years ago. She really was the perfect mix of the two of them, his little girl.

(Good God, he has a little girl. It left him breathless, that thought).

Curled up on his lap, Noelle has stopped babbling and started playing with his fingers. Rachel was silent, just watching the two of them. Although there was a smile on her face, her eyes had a guarded look, and he couldn't for the life of him guess what she was thinking. She had a life here – a nice, comfortable life, with friends that clearly loved her and a daughter that was probably the most precious child ever. She didn't need him in her life.

Then why had she gone after him?

All of a sudden, Noelle stilled in his arms, her breathing deep and regular. He clumsily tried to hold her more comfortably in his arms, and Rachel stood up. "I have to take her to her bed", she told him, and he nodded, kissing Noelle's hair before allowing Rachel to take her in her arms and carry her to her little girly bedroom. Jesse stayed behind, standing up and really examining the living room.

There were pictures literally **everywhere**, which didn't surprise him because Rachel always liked taking pictures. He recognized a few of the snapshots from the old apartment, pictures of Rachel in different stages of her life: as a baby, with her parents; a little girl with a bright smile and missing teeth, with a hazel-eyed boy; the cute teen, wearing plaid skirts and animal sweaters, arms linked with a younger Kurt; the college graduate he remembered, trying to hop on the Broadway bandwagon, with Kurt and Blaine.

And then there were pictures of her pregnant. Dear God, she was a beautiful pregnant woman. He hated her, for a second, for having denied him the opportunity of seeing her during that special time.

There were pictures of Noelle, too. Noelle as a newborn with the guy from the bar. As a probably six-month-old baby with a clearly smitten Blaine. As a toddler, her little hands wrapped around the bar's blond bouncer's legs, clearly taking her first steps. With her mother, grinning happily as she licked a popsicle, Rachel looking at her like she was the most perfect child on Earth.

When he snapped out of his exam of her pictures, Rachel had already returned from tucking Noelle in, watching him again with those guarded eyes. Seeing her so reserved made him miss the days where she was open and honest with him, and his heart ached.

"I'm really sorry", she began quietly, "that I dropped all of this on you. I suppose I could afford being more patient, telling you in steps. First about Noelle, then a few weeks later, about me being sick. But…" She sighed. "As I said. I need help, with Noelle. She is a really precocious, intelligent child, but she's still a child and there are things she doesn't fully understand. My friends are great, and Matt, Sam, Noah and Blaine are awesome with her, but she needs her father right now".

"I understand", he replied, picking up a picture of Noelle and Rachel. "Your cancer… is it terminal?"

She shook her head negatively. "No. I was really lucky. We picked up on it early on, and April insisted I went to the best doctors in town. She's basically affording everything, it's a fight with my parents every month because she doesn't want them to pay her back", she smiled fondly.

"Then I… I don't understand why you're telling me you're sick", Jesse said quietly.

"I've been thinking of letting you know about Noelle for roughly two years now, give or take. Once I decided I was ready to let you in her life, and indirectly back into mine, I realized you would notice the changes I'll go through because of the chemo. Losing weight, losing hair, all that jazz. It wouldn't be fair, not to be honest with you from the start", she said serenely, not a sting of venom when she spoke about honesty from the beginning.

"Oh", he made, and then nodded. "Okay." He was lost for words, didn't know what to say to her. He needed time, to go home and process everything. When he woke up that morning, he had no idea where she was, but hoped she was happy and healthy somewhere. Now, he knew where she was, and she was happy (thank God), but she was sick. And they had a daughter together.

He needed time to wrap his mind around all the changes.

Jesse left her apartment a short while later, with a handful of pictures of Noelle in his bag and Rachel's new cell phone number on his contact list, and his brain buzzing. He was a father. His daughter's mother – the woman he still loved, even after three years – was sick, with leukemia. He needed to rant at someone, and so he tugged out his cell phone and pressed a button.

When the annoyed voice answered, he didn't waste any time on greetings. "I need to talk. Are you home?" He listened to the answer and then nodded. "Great. Then I'm coming over. See you in 15 minutes".


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** Hi, everyone! I just want to clear one little thing – Jesse will eventually learn from Rachel herself why she chose to name their daughter after Puck. There is a reason for that, and it's pretty sweet and very friendshippy in my opinion. Keep in mind that basically in all my St. Berry stories, Puck and Rachel are close friends, almost like siblings.

**it's all coming back to me now**

_chapter five_

**S**ebastian already had a tumbler glass full of scotch sitting untouched on his living room's center table when Jesse arrived at his apartment, exactly fifteen minutes later. He and Jesse went way back, like really back, Sebastian's father being Jesse's mother's stepbrother. When the curly-haired man saw the tumbler glass, he frowned questioningly at Sebastian, who then shrugged. "When you called, you sounded like you needed one".

Jesse shrugged then, marched to the living room, picked up the tumbler glass and drained its contents in one gulp. This made Sebastian's eyebrows go so up in his face, they nearly touched his hairline. It wasn't a Jesse-move, to empty his drink all at once. He was more of the sip-from-the-same-drink-all-night kind of drinker. Sitting down on his couch, the younger man looked at his step cousin speculatively. "So… what's wrong?"

Jesse shot Sebastian a side glance. "What makes you think there's something wrong?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes and put one hand up in the air. "One, you called me asking me if I was home. Two, you said you needed to talk. Three, you threw that scotch down your throat like it was water and you were an out-of-desert thirsty man". He smirked slightly. "So, forgive me for correctly guessing there's something rotten on the kingdom of Jesse-land".

Jesse glared at Sebastian, but then began to pace, agitated. Sebastian bit back a curse. Whatever it was, it was **big**. Jesse was always cool as a cucumber and collected like shit. If he was pacing around Sebastian's living room like a caged lion, then it had to be some major crisis.

"You remember Rachel, right?" Jesse asked out of the blue, and Sebastian's eyes widened a little before he managed to go back to his usual composed façade.

"Rachel? The girl who you drove me insane trying to find her when she packed up and left you?" He mocked, concern in his clear green eyes despite the scathing tone of his voice. "Yeah, I remember Rachel".

"I found her. Or, actually, she found me. Doesn't matter. I saw her tonight".

The silence that followed those words fell over them like a thick, uncomfortable blanket. Sebastian felt torn between the urge to ask Jesse if everything went okay (and act like someone who fucking cared, which was something he never did, ever) and the impulse to smirk, say 'hallelujah' and ask when the wedding was going to be (and be his usual, asshole self).

But he said neither, because Jesse picked up the bottle of scotch on the bar and took a long sip straight from it, adding, "She was pregnant, when she left. I'm a father to the cutest little girl on the planet. Also, Rachel is sick, and that was why she found me. She needs my help, apparently".

Sebastian's eyes were wide as he stood up from where he was sitting, picked up a sealed bottle of tequila from the bar, unsealed it and took a long, healthy swig from it. "How opposed are you to the idea of getting nice and drunk tonight, and discuss everything tomorrow, over coffee and Advil to the hangover".

Jesse drank from his bottle of scotch again. "I'm not opposed at all".

* * *

**T**he next morning, both looking like something the cat dragged in, Sebastian and Jesse sat on the former's living room's floor, coffee mugs on one of their hands and Advil pills on the center table. Jesse grimaced as he swallowed the pain medication with his coffee, black, strong and bitter. Sebastian twirled a teaspoon of sugar inside of his beverage, his brain building together the pieces of the puzzle Jesse gave him the previous night.

"So let me see if I understood you", he said slowly, lifting his mug to his lips to taste the coffee, "Rachel was knocked up when you told her you were engaged to Andie." Jesse nodded, and he carried on. "But now she's sick and she needs your help with your child". Jesse nodded again. "Dude, your life could be a soap opera, I swear", Sebastian laughed, but shut up, raising his hand to massage his aching temples as he scowled and his head pounded with pain.

"Tell me about it", the Broadway actor muttered. A fond grin appeared on his face. "But my daughter is the most precious little girl on the planet".

Sebastian grinned. "Never thought I'd see the day where Jesse St. James is a proud daddy. What's her name?"

"Noelle Claire", Jesse replied immediately.

"That's a cute name. She named her after your mother?"

"I don't think that was the reason." The new father frowned pensively. "As far as I recall, I never told Rachel about my family".

Sebastian watched him for a moment with a knowing look on his face. "You wanted to protect your girl from the parental units, uh?"

The dark haired man nodded. "Yeah. She's not exactly St. James-approved wife material", Jesse said sincerely. "I wanted to keep her away from them as much as I could".

"I can understand that", Sebastian nodded. "I can't imagine Aunt Claire reacting pleasantly to the news that her son, the only heir to her money, got some aspiring actress pregnant. The less offensive term she'd call Rachel would be gold digger".

"Yeah…" Jesse rubbed a hand over his face, sighing. "I don't know what to do, Smythe." He confessed, honestly. "I just… It seems so much, too much".

There was silence, and then the green-eyed young man said carefully, "Well… The way I see it, you have two ways to choose from. One – you tell Rachel you don't want to be a part of her life and your kid's life, and move on knowing she's happy, safe and alive somewhere, and hopefully on her way to being healthy. Two – you stick around, help her with everything she might need in the current circumstances and see where this new road leads you to." As he stopped speaking, Sebastian leant back on his chair and took a sip from his coffee. "So I ask you… What do you want to do?"

* * *

**I**t had been quite an eventful morning for Rachel. Noelle woke up full of energy, anxious to go play with her daddy, and she had thrown a little fit when she realized Jesse was nowhere to be seen. While unusual for the little girl to act like this (she was usually a very mellow little girl, very sweet and laidback), it was understandable why she behaved like she did: getting to meet Jesse was something she had wanted since first understanding what a daddy was.

Rachel, for all of the grief she had gotten from her friends for having hidden Noelle from Jesse, never kept her daughter from knowing exactly who her daddy was, and just how much Rachel loved him. She never spoke ill of Jesse in front of Noelle, and had several arguments with Noah and Quinn, her two friends who were prone to badmouth Jesse whenever he was mentioned. Jesse had hurt her, yes, but he was Noelle's father, and she respected that.

After she successfully managed to calm her daughter down, Rachel gave in to Noelle's pleading glances and sat down with her child to tell her more stories from the time when she and Jesse had met. Sharing with Noelle those little tales was the way she had found to introduce Jesse to their daughter, and they were as detailed and honest as she could make them. Rachel had even showed photos of Jesse and her while telling a handful, reason why Noelle had recognized him right away.

She was in the middle of recounting to Noe about her first duet with Jesse when the doorbell rang. Noelle pouted (she hated to have her story time interrupted), and Rachel laughed at her daughter's little scowl. She looked so much like Jesse at that moment. "Hold on, I'll just answer the door, okay, baby?"

"Okay…" Noelle said reluctantly, watching as Rachel stood up from her seat at the couch and went to the door.

"Guess who is back?" April Rhodes-Ryan grinned as she pushed her fancy sunglasses up her head. Lifting her hands which were full of brightly colored packages, she walked past her young protégé into the tiny apartment. "Now, where's that gorgeous daughter of yours?"

"Miss April!" Noelle squealed as she jumped up from her seat and raced into April's arms. The blonde older woman dropped down to her knees and hugged the little girl tightly, a happy smile on her still pretty face.

"Well, look at you. You're so grown, kiddo!" She gave Rachel a mock-scowl. "What are you feeding this child? Yeast?"

Laughing, Rachel shook her head negatively while closing the door behind April, who was willingly being dragged to the couch by an overjoyed Noelle.

Rachel hadn't been lying to Jesse when she had told him the previous night that April saw Noelle as her grandchild. After a weeping Rachel told her why she was leaving the production, April had insisted with her that she came over to the apartment April shared with then-fiancé Bryan Ryan for a little chat. Rachel, who didn't want to stay home in fear that Jesse would come back and find a way to convince her to take him back, agreed.

During that little chat, April, looking the most serious Rachel had ever seen her, told Rachel that, when she was a little older than Rachel was then, she too had gotten pregnant. But she didn't believe she had the choice of having her child, and so she had gotten the pregnancy terminated. Rachel had looked stunned at her director, who nodded solemnly.

"I still regret it to this day", April told her with shiny eyes while Bryan busied himself with making some tea. "I thought it was the best choice for me then, and maybe it was. But there isn't a day I don't wonder how my kid would have looked like if I had had it".

Rachel had gaped at her. "Why are you telling me this?"

"So that you know that there are other choices. If you decide you're strong enough to have an abortion, I'll support you. If you decide you'd rather keep it, I'll help. We'll help", she corrected and grinned at her fiancé when he nodded, looking serious. "If I had my child, he or she would be about your age now. I know your parents are back in Ohio". She took Rachel's hand in hers and squeezed gently. "Please, let me help".

Seeing April with Noelle now, Rachel was thankful that she had given in to April's request. April and Bryan doted on Noelle and spoilt her rotten. They had just arrived from a European tour with April's latest musical and, from the looks of it, April had run rampant with her credit cards buying everything under the sun to Noelle. Rachel smiled. Her daughter sure was lucky to have so many people loving her.

"Guess what, Miss April!" Noelle said excitedly as she tried to decide which one of April's neatly wrapped gifts she was going to open first. Finally nodding to herself, she picked up a magenta package and tore it open.

"What?" April asked as she grinned at the little girl's enthusiasm.

"I met my daddy last night!" The little girl announced happily and squealed at the Disney's movies DVD set. "Look, mommy! There's _Beauty and The Beast_!" She jumped at April's lap and squeezed her tightly. "Thank you, Miss April!"

April hugged her back halfheartedly, busier gaping disbelieving at a quiet Rachel. "Did you now, kid?" She asked.

Noelle nodded. "He came home with mommy last night when she came from Callbacks", she explained as she spread the DVD cases around her and frowned trying to decide what Disney movie she would watch first. Finally, after a few moments, she nodded to herself and lifted the chosen one. "Mommy, can I watch _The Princess and the Frog_?" She asked, shooting her mother a puppy dog look.

"Sure, baby. You know how to pop it in, right?" Rachel asked, smiling when her daughter nodded eagerly. "Then go ahead".

A little later, April managed to recover her wits. "Are you dying?" She asked matter-of-factly as Rachel sat back on the loveseat, her green eyes sharp and focused on the brunette as she scanned her up and down. "You don't look worse."

Rachel frowned. "No, I'm not dying. Why do you ask?"

April shrugged. "Well, I can't see any other reason for you to get in touch with her father other than you faring worse than expected on your treatment".

The brunette rolled her eyes with a sigh. "April, you've been scolding me to tell him the truth for years now. What brought this change?"

"Yes, I have, but you were always so adamantly against it I had given up", April pointed out reasonably.

"Well, I was being selfish. I decided it was time I stopped thinking about me and focused on thinking of her. And having him around is what's best for her".

April nodded slowly. "It is, but… are you sure? You can't back out now. Now that they've met, it would be unfair if you packed up and ran with her again".

Rachel ran her hand through her hair and scowled slightly at the few strands that came tangled in her fingers. "I won't do that. Not when I know it's going to hurt Noe".

April took Rachel's hand in hers and patted reassuringly. "I know, sweetie". She squeezed it gently and then released it. "How did he react to the big boom?"

Rachel sighed and sat back. "Angry. Hurt. Blown away. Pissed. Overjoyed". A small smile curved her lips as she remembered. "He fell in love with her right away, though."

"So unsurprising", April said with a chuckle. When Rachel shot her a confused look, she rolled her eyes. "Kid, that boy was mad in love with you. You should have seen the way he was after you left. He just… It's like he just gave up on life."

Rachel stayed silent for a moment and then breathed, "Way to make me feel guilty, April".

The older blonde shot her a sympathetic glance. "Sorry, kiddo. But it's the truth. You know I don't sugarcoat it".

The brunette nodded tiredly. "True." There was silence, and when she opened her mouth to speak again, the doorbell rang. April frowned at her when she didn't move to open the door.

"Are you expecting more guests?"

"No", Rachel shook her head. "Maybe it's Quinn? She lost her keys and I know she wants to know how things went with Jesse last night, no matter how much against it she was". Carefully, she stood up and made her way to the door.

But it wasn't Quinn. It was Jesse, his eyes shining like steel. "We have to talk", he told her as he marched past her into the apartment.

April looked at the former lovers and then stood up. "And that, kid, is my cue to leave". She picked up her purse and kissed Rachel's cheeks. "Call me later, okay? And tell your baby I'll be back later this week to take her out. Bye, Jesse!"

With her mind swirling at the speed things had changed, she closed the door behind her quietly and turned to look at Noelle's father with a cautious look on her face. "So… You want to talk?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note:** I'm really pleased with the feedback I'm receiving for this, because I've been researching like crazy to make sure I don't write anything stupid, offensive or surreal. I've never known closely someone who went through cancer treatments (two of my great-aunts are breast cancer survivors, but they got sick before I was born), so Google has been my to-go-to site to find all the details I can on Rachel's sickness and the effects of her treatment.

**it's all coming back to me now**

_chapter six_

**J**esse marched into Rachel's apartment pretty determined to sort everything out with her about themselves and Noelle. When Sebastian gave him the two choices he clearly had (one being to walk away from Rachel and Noelle knowing they were happy, safe and, in Rachel's case, on her way to being healthy; the other being to stick it out with them through thick and thin and see where it could lead them), he honestly at first thought of taking the first one; having to deal with Rachel – a sick Rachel nonetheless – and a little daughter looked a little too much to him.

But then he remembered Rachel's special smile to him back when they were together, the same smile a little girl with her hair and his eyes showed him when they first met just the night before. He remembered the pictures of Rachel blooming out with life as she carried their daughter inside her, the pain he felt at not being there to see that happen. He remembered the emptiness he felt within him for the last three years, not knowing where she was and what she was doing. And all that pretty much did him in.

He opened his mouth to tell Rachel what he has decided, when Noelle came barreling out of the bedroom. "Daddy!" She squealed as she threw herself against his legs, hugging him tightly and smiling adorably up at him. "I thought I heard your voice!".

He smiled down at her and couldn't resist when she lifted up her arms at her with the cutest pout, silently asking to be picked up. He easily settled her on his hip, as if he has been doing this her entire life, and pressed a sweet kiss to that round cheek. "Hey, baby. What are you doing?"

"Watching _The Princess and the Frog_", she told him as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He made his way to the loveseat and Rachel trailed slowly after him. "Miss April brought it to me from her trip! Have you ever seen it?"

Busy talking to his little girl, he missed the soft, tender look that settled on Rachel's face as she watched the two of them. Jesse was listening patiently as an excited Noelle (she was a talker, just like her mama) scolded him for never taking the time to watch the cartoon feature, and then began to babble about how it was her favorite movie and how her last birthday party had a _Princess and the Frog_ theme with her dressed as Tiana and her best friend from kindergarten dressed as Charlotte, and he seemed very interested in a conversation with a little girl that was deep into her princess phase.

_I always knew he would be an amazing father_, she mused quietly as she walked in the adjoining kitchen to heat up some water for a tea. Her hands were shaking but she dismissed it; it was a collateral damage from her chemo meds. She was lucky, her doctors had told her; it was the first round and her system had taken it like a trooper – there were cases where people were so sick they had to be admitted to the hospital in the weeks between the rounds.

"Mama sang in my birthday!" Noelle was telling Jesse excitedly. "She sang all the Disney princess songs there is! I loooooved when she sang _The Princess and the Frog _song for me though! That's my favorite!"

"Really?" Jesse was grinning at Noelle, his eyes full of joy at his perfect child. "I don't think I know that song. Maybe you could sing it for me one day?"

The little girl began humming the melody promptly, but her face broke out on a huge smile when he said, "I think I know this one. From Ne-Yo, right, Rachel?"

"Yes", she called out from her spot on the kitchen by the stove.

Grinning, Jesse framed Noelle's small face on his hands and began serenading her. "**For the way you've changed my plans, for being the perfect distraction, for the way you took the idea that I had of everything that I wanted to have and made me see there was something missing, oh yeah**".

Rachel picked up flawlessly from the kitchen, a small smile on her lips unseen from Jesse and Noelle who were still on the living room. "_For the ending of my first begin, oh, yeah, yeah – oh yeah, yeah. For the rare and unexpected friend, oh, yeah, yeah – oh yeah, yeah. For the way you're something that I never choose but at the same time something that I don't wanna lose and never wanna be without ever again_".

Noelle's eyes were sparkling with tears and there was a bright happy grin on her face when her parents sang together for the first time in nearly three years. A tiny tear made its way down her porcelain cheek, and Jesse tenderly kissed it away. "_**You're the best thing I never knew I needed, so when you were here, I had no idea you're the best thing I never knew I needed. So now it's so clear, I need you here always**_".

The little girl clapped the hardest she could with her little chubby hands when her parents finished the chorus, tears still pooling in her eyes. "That was so beautiful!" She breathed happily. "Now I'll never be able to listen to the song on the movie ever again without thinking this was way better!" She exaggerated with a grin, making Jesse laugh as he hugged her tightly.

Rachel came out of the kitchen with a little tray, which held two cups, a steaming jar of water and a small box of packed herbal tea. It also held a juice box to Noelle, and she eagerly held out her hand to it. As Rachel settled the tray down on the center table, Noelle busied herself with opening the juice box, pouting when she couldn't break the straw out of its plastic packet. She shot Jesse her best puppy dog look, and he gave in immediately, Rachel groaning laughingly as she picked up on that. "You're going to spoil her rotten, Jesse", she told him with laughter in her eyes, "if you give in every time she shoots you that look".

Jesse was still slightly breathless from the wave of emotion that crashed down on him when Rachel's voice joined his in song for the first time in over three years, but he grinned at the teasing tone of her voice when she spoke to him. "Well, excuse me for having the most charming daughter on the planet".

Noelle flashed a big, toothy grin at her mother, and the adorable, innocent smugness in her face was just too Jesse for her to let it pass. Standing up, the petite brunette made her way to the bedroom as she called over her shoulder, "Don't move a muscle, I'll be right back"

Jesse and Noelle looked confused at each other for a moment, but before any of them could voice the question that they were making inwardly, Rachel came back with her iPhone on her hand and stood up in front of them. "Okay, baby girl", she told her daughter with a small, pleased grin, "cuddle up to daddy and give me that big toothy grin". As she set up the phone's camera, she gave the two of them a tender smile. "I think it's more than time for the first daddy-and-daughter picture, don't you?"

"YES!" Noelle squealed as she wrapped up an arm around Jesse and pressed her chubby cheek against his, and Rachel felt a soft sting of tears in her eyes as she looked at them on the screen of her phone. They had the same eyes, the same curly hair, the same nose, and when Noelle grinned sometimes it was his grin. Sure, there were some of her traits on her daughter too: Noelle's hair was glossy chocolate brown instead of jet black like Jesse's. Her small, pouty mouth was all Rachel's. And Noelle, while a very mellow and sweet child, could definitely throw a temper tantrum worthy of a little diva like Rachel herself.

The click of the camera going off echoed in the quiet room and Noelle bounded out of her father's lap to go over to her mother, lifting up her arms to demand being picked up so she could check out the picture. As Rachel settled her down on her hip, Noelle wrapped an arm around her mother's neck and frowned slightly. "Mama, you're warm", she stated cautiously.

Rachel chuckled and pressed a kiss to her daughter's shoulder. "Of course I am, baby, I'm alive", she replied.

But her daughter shook her head negatively. "No, I mean… You're really, really warm. Warmer than normal".

Jesse frowned and stood up, approaching Rachel as he watched her carefully. Under the daylight, she really looked like she was sick. She was frailer than he remembered her being and she had definitely lost a lot of weight. Her face was flushed, but there was this underlying paleness to it that had him worried. "Excuse me", he said as he flattened his palm against Rachel's forehead. His eyes widened in alarm. "Princess is right, Rachel. You're burning up". He stepped away from her and looked around. "Do you have a thermometer anywhere here?"

"In the bathroom", Rachel said as she let Noelle, who had been wriggling in her arms, back down. Noticing the worried expression on the little girl's face, Rachel stroked her soft hair. "I'm sure it's just a fever, little girl, nothing major."

"You should take a lukewarm bath", Noelle suggested helpfully as she tugged Rachel to the couch. "Sit, mama!" She ordered imperiously, and Rachel agreed with a roll of her eyes. Jesse had moved to the bathroom and they could hear the muffled sounds of him moving in there, looking for the thermometer.

"Excellent idea, but daddy's in the bathroom and it's impolite to leave a guest alone", Rachel replied, trying very hard not to think just how stupid it was to feel shy about being naked around Jesse when clearly he had seen her in the buff plenty of times before; the proof was standing in front of her, looking at her with wide worried blue eyes.

Noelle rolled said eyes. "Duh! He's not a guest, mommy! He's daddy!"

Rachel felt her heart break. How could she explain to her little girl that her relationship with Jesse was not and would never be again the same easy, comfortable romance it was when they first met? Noelle was so young, so innocent… She was saved from trying to come up with a response when Jesse shouted 'aha!' from the bathroom and emerged with a wide smirk, the white digital thermometer on his hand.

"Found it!" He stated triumphantly, grinning with pride at Noelle when he saw Rachel seated on the sofa. "Excellent idea, little girl". He turned the thermometer on and gave it to Rachel. "Let's check your temperature".

"Jesse…" Rachel groaned whiningly. "The doctor said I should worry with my fever only if it's over 102.2 degrees for more than two hours. I haven't been feverish for fifteen minutes!"

Jesse refused to reply to that, looking pointedly at her until she gave in with an annoyed sigh and put the thermometer under her arm. A few seconds later, she was scowling at him while handing him the thermometer to check out her temperature. The way he paled made her grow anxious. "What's it?"

Ignoring her, Jesse crouched in front of a clearly scared Noelle and smiled reassuringly at the little girl. "Hey, princess", he told her affectionately, "why don't you go pack a bag for a little overnight stay with Uncle Blaine? Mama and I have somewhere to be and I don't think we'll come back home tonight".

"Okay…" Noelle said hesitantly. "Can I stay with Auntie Quinn? I really, really miss her", she asked with a little hopeful grin.

"No", Rachel cut in immediately, "you can stay with anyone you want, but not… not Quinn". The brunette was starting to feel nauseous and was breathing deeply through her nose to try and keep herself from throwing up. Noelle pouted, but a look at her mother's exhausted and sick face had her agreeing with no further fight. Jesse looked curiously at his ex, the question bright in his eyes, but Rachel lifted a hand to keep him from voicing it. "Not now, Jesse. I don't feel so good".

He nodded, agreeing to let the matter rest (for now, she knew – she knew she would have to answer his questions some time in the future), and straightened up as Noelle rushed to her bedroom. "Where's your purse and your coat?"

"Bedroom", Rachel whispered as she closed her eyes and laid down on the couch, she felt so tired all of a sudden. She closed her eyes for a moment and dizzily opened them again when she faintly heard Jesse calling her name, Noelle's little hands shaking her leg nervously. "I'm awake, I'm awake", she grumbled exhaustedly.

Jesse took a deep breath. Rachel was looking like she was a second from passing out, and Noelle was looking scared, her eyes full of tears. The little girl wrapped up her chubby arms around his leg and pressed her cheek against his knee, clearly seeking comfort. Without thinking, he picked her up in his arms and rubbed her back comfortingly. "It's going to be okay, baby", he breathed reassuringly into her hair. "Why don't we call Uncle Blaine to come pick you up? Then I'll take mama to the doctor so he can fix her, okay? She'll be fine, I'm sure it's just a nasty bug".

"Promise?" Noelle asked hopefully, clear blue eyes full of fear and of tears.

And Jesse knew, in that moment, that he couldn't do what he was going to when he first knocked on Rachel's door that morning – he couldn't just tell her he was going to give her a check for Noelle's expenses and move on with his life. He couldn't do that, not when Noelle was clinging to him like a lifeline, not when Rachel seemed like she was about to vanish in any second now. This woman and this little girl were the center of his world, they were his **family**, and he sure as hell was going to take care of them.

Pressing his lips to her forehead, he nodded. "I promise".


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: **Chris Hemsworth was my inspiration for Dr. Gabriel Jameson. I wanted a man who could make Jesse feel threatened and I was watching 'The Avengers' before the inspiration for this chapter struck me.

It was during the process of writing this chapter that news broke that Cory had sadly passed away. July 13 was a sad day for all of us who love or loved or will come to love Glee. I had no love for Finn as a match for Rachel, but as a character he had his moments and Cory had my respect for being honest about his struggles with addiction. I'm heartbroken that he passed away and I'm keeping his friends, family and Lea in my prayers. RIP, Cory Monteith. You've gone way too soon and you'll be missed.

**it's all coming back to me now**

_chapter seven_

**J**esse would never know how he managed to hail a cab to take Rachel to the hospital, considering he had his arms full of Noelle, her pink and purple backpack, Rachel and her purse. It went smoothly enough, though: Rachel got to reach someone she called 'Noah' on the phone, and then told the cabbie they'd need to make a quick stop before finally going to the hospital, giving him an address. When they arrived there, Noelle bounded out of the car straight to the waiting arms of the Callbacks' barman, a big grin on her face despite her earlier anxiety for her mother when she turned around and waved gaily at the adults into the car. Even from a distance, Jesse saw the worry and concern in the other man's hazel eyes, and was unsurprised at the wave of possessive jealousy that engulfed him. This man was clearly in love with Rachel. But Rachel was his, and he wouldn't let her go now that he had found her again.

Rachel and Jesse made their way to the hospital in a laden silence. Every now and then, he would put his hand on her forehead, cursing himself for not having thought of bringing the thermometer with him. She was pale now, and… was she shaky? He narrowed his eyes as they focused on her hands, which she kept clasped tightly on her lap. "You're shaking", he pointed out quietly, turning to address the driver. "Can you please rush? We're kind on an emergency here".

The driver nodded while Rachel squared her shoulders. "I'm fine", she shrugged off his concern, though she felt exhausted and about to faint. "You don't… You don't have to come with me", she said quietly, looking out at the cab's glass window. "I can go check myself in and then call one of my friends to keep me company."

Jesse rolled his eyes and scowled at her. "Don't be stupid. I made a promise to Noe that I'd keep an eye on you, and I intend to keep it."

He saw the moment she thought of commenting about the handful of promises he had made to her, all those years ago, and had never kept, but thanked his lucky stars when she wisely chose not to say it. The cab halted to a stop in front of the hospital, and Jesse escorted Rachel to the reception after generously paying the driver. "We need to see a doctor-" he started to say, but a fierce glare from Rachel efficiently shut him up. She turned to the nurse with a tired smile.

"Hi, Denise. Is Dr. Jameson in?"

"Hey, Rachel." The nurse looked curiously at Jesse, but tactfully chose not to say anything. "I think he's on call tonight, yes." A dark frown clouded the nurse's pretty face. "Is there anything wrong with you?"

"I don't know," Rachel replied truthfully. "Maybe."

"She has been feverish since early this morning and it feels it keeps on going up," Jesse offered helpfully.

Denise nodded and picked up a phone. After pressing a few buttons, she spoke quietly, "Dr. Jameson? Hi, I'm sorry to bother you, but Rachel is here and she's not feeling so well." She paused for a moment and then nodded even though the physician couldn't see her. "Alright, doc. I'll tell her that." She hung up and then turned back to Rachel, a small, sympathetic smile on her face. "Dr. Jameson told you to go wait for him on his office. He's just wrapping up an appointment down at the ER and he'll meet you there."

Rachel grinned at the nurse. "Thanks, Denise. You're the best."

The nurse laughed and waved her off with an eye roll, and made her way to her doctor's office, Jesse trailing after her. The fact that she was on first name basis with a nurse at the hospital was surprising, but not shocking. Shocking was the fact that she was in a first name basis with pretty much all the hospital staff, people shouting out her name and greetings, a handful of nurses stopping Rachel to affectionately ask her how she was doing, others asking about 'the little princess', who he guessed was Noelle.

Once they reached the doctor's office, and Rachel tiredly dropped on a chair, Jesse couldn't contain his curiosity anymore. "You seem pretty friendly with every one here."

Rachel chuckled dryly. "You really don't want to know why, trust me, so don't even ask."

Jesse's curiosity only grew as she said that. "You're wrong. I do want to know. Why is that?"

Rachel's eyes flashed in irritation as she glared at him, but whatever it was that she was going to say was lost, for Santana, Sam and Blaine chose that moment to burst in the tiny office, all panting and in several states of dress: the Latina wore cotton shorts with Ugg boots and an obviously masculine jacket over a black wifebeater; the blond was in working out clothes; Rachel's best male friend in an elegant tuxedo. The tiny brunette rolled her eyes as she took their appearance in, but a fond smile curved her lips. "You guys really need to relax," she told them, chuckling. "I'm okay. I take it Noah called."

"Whatsapped is more like it," Santana said as she pushed past Jesse to crouch in front of Rachel, one of her hands checking out Rachel's pulse on her wrist while the other pressed against Rachel's slightly clammy forehead. "_Estás ardiendo_," the Latina growled anxiously as she slipped her coat off her shoulders and placed it on Rachel's, "and you're shivering. Where's the damn doctor?"

"Santana," Blaine said as he put a hand on her shoulder reassuringly, "relax. She's going to be fine. You knew this was bound to happen."

Rachel nodded. "I haven't gone through my bone marrow transplant yet, San, so this doesn't mean it's not working."

Santana shot her a look but chose to stay quiet, for Dr. Jameson chose that moment to walk in the cramped office. He took a moment to absorb the scene, and then chuckled quietly, shaking his head negatively as he made his way to his desk. "Rachel, Rachel, Rachel. Will I ever see you one on one and not with a handful of friends hot on your heels?" He asked teasingly, and Rachel laughed.

"Hopefully next time, Dr. Jameson," she told him, and Jesse blinked as he recognized the flirty tone in her voice.

Dr. Jameson wasn't at all what Jesse had been expecting Rachel's doctor to be. Instead of the old, fatherly physician who treated Rachel like a dear granddaughter, he was face to face with a man that, honestly, could have made a successful career out of being an Abercrombie model. Dr. Jameson was tall, blonde, with bright blue eyes and enough stubble to be charming but not gross. He was well-built, and his voice was thick, throaty, with the soft lilt of an Australian accent. As he settled against his desk in front of Rachel, he gave her a crooked smile. "No more of this Dr. Jameson crap. I've been telling you for years now, you can call me Gabriel."

Rachel flushed slightly and shot Gabriel Jameson a small, apologetic smile. "I don't feel right calling you that when I'm seeing you as your patient," she explained, and Jesse had to clench his jaw to try and keep his jealousy in check. Unknowingly to him, busy as he was watching the interaction between Rachel and her (adequately looking) doctor, Santana, Sam and Blaine were all smirking at him.

"Well, how about this: I'll go to Callbacks some day this week to watch you sing and then we can catch up. How's that?" Gabriel shot her a small smile, and busied himself with the thermometer. "Lift your arm for me, please?" He asked, and Jesse rolled his eyes at how obediently Rachel followed his directions.

"I'd like that," Rachel grinned at him.

"How's the little princess?" Gabriel asked as they waited for the thermometer chime, Jesse glowering at him.

Rachel brightened up considerably. "She's amazing. She's growing up so quick." She shook her head slightly. "She'll be upset knowing she wasn't here to see you."

"Take her to Callbacks when I go over so she and I can catch up too. She can keep me company while you're busy singing your heart out onstage." Gabriel looked over at where Rachel's companions were clustered together, and he frowned slightly. "Quinn hasn't come with you? She stayed home with Noelle?"

"No, Noelle is with Noah at his place. Quinn and I broke up," Rachel replied simply, and Jesse gaped at this new revelation (Santana had to bite down on her lip so hard to keep herself from laughing she feared it would draw blood.) "I decided I wanted to include Noelle's father in her life and Quinn couldn't accept that."

"Understandable. You guys were almost engaged, after all." Dr. Jameson said, and Jesse's shock grew (Santana pressed her nails down against her palm, and Blaine covered a chuckle with a cough.)

"I know. But considering my new circumstances, my daughter needs her father's presence in her life. And I'm sure it was a good decision. Jesse fell for her charms the moment he first laid eyes on her."

"I would have to be blind in order to resist her, Rach," Jesse spoke up, and Rachel startled, having obviously forgotten he was there. Dr. Jameson looked up discretely and looked Jesse up and down appraisingly; Santana squeaked out a giggle that made Sam chuckle.

"She looks like you," the physician told Jesse as the thermometer chimed and he checked Rachel's temperature. Frowning in concern, he pressed a button on the intercom and waited a few minutes. "Denise, it's Dr. Jameson. Listen, I need to have Rachel admitted. Do we have the room?" He waited in silence for a while and then nodded. "That's awesome. I'll send Sam over to fill her paperwork. Can you ask Jimmy to come take her to the room? Thanks." He hung up and, when he turned back to look at his patient, his dark blue eyes were serious. "I really hate this, Rachel, because I know you wanted to stay as far from here as you could, but unfortunately I need to have you admitted. Your fever is far too high for us to just ignore it. Do you have any questions?"

Pale, but far more composed than Jesse expected her to be, Rachel nodded. "Does this mean the chemo isn't working? How will it affect the progress of my treatment?"

"No, it doesn't mean the chemo isn't working. It means you're no superhuman and your body is reacting to the strength of the medication we applied on you. And yes, it may affect the progress of your treatment. We need to fight the fever off before applying the next dose, so it's possible we have to postpone it until your body has recovered from this."

The tiny brunette looked away while nodding, and every person in the room knew what that meant. Strong as she was, Rachel's hold on her emotions was precarious at the moment and she needed a little break to get them back on track. No one said anything, and silence fell over the slightly crowded room like a thick blanket.

In that moment, Jesse finally understood why exactly she had gone after him to tell him about their daughter. With her in the hospital, he would have to step up and take over caring for Noelle, and while Rachel had friends that clearly adored their baby girl, neither one of them could offer them the comfort and the reassurance that Jesse, as her father, could. He knew if he spoke that out loud he would cause one hell of a stir, so he kept it quiet. Silently approaching Rachel, he put his hand on her slim shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly, with a comforting smile when she looked up.

And when she smiled back, even if shakily, he couldn't help but hope he still had a chance with her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: **I'm extremely sorry for being MIA these last few weeks. Life as a wife and mother of eight-month-old twins is kicking my ass! Plus, I'm to be bridesmaid on my father's wedding and I have been working out like crazy to drop a few more pounds.

This chapter ended up being longer than even I thought it would be. My muse is sure leading me through some paths I never expected. But this new installment clears something said last chapter, and introduces a new confusing relationship to our already troubled love web LOL I sure dig angst… Hope you enjoy it, and don't forget to review.

**it's all coming back to me now**

_chapter eight._

**I**t took everything Jesse had, Rachel could tell, not to ask her what Dr. Jameson – _Gabriel_, she corrected mentally, _he asked me to call him Gabriel_ – had meant when he mentioned her being almost engaged to Quinn. She was thankful, however, when they didn't have the chance to be by themselves. Denise had personally come to escort her to her hospital room, with Sam, Blaine and Santana following after them; then Gabriel came to medicate her, and it took another two hours for Rachel to finally persuade her friends to go to their houses in order to rest.

She sent Blaine to go pick Noelle up and update Noah on her condition, and she asked Sam to go with him. She knew her old friend was deeply concerned about her and he would be pissed if no one thought about telling him what the doctor had decided. Blaine was the best choice to tell him what had transpired at the hospital and to take care of Noelle at home – he would be able to keep calm in face of Noe's anxiety, and his tranquility would relax her little girl.

Sam, on the other hand, was perfect to keep Noah company. His laidback ways would work wonders on Noah's frayed nerves, and she knew he would just sit down on Noah's ratty couch and sip a beer while her childhood pal ranted and let all this worries out. Then they'd drink themselves to oblivion, or maybe they'd jump in a match of that awful game Noah loved and Rachel herself hated.

Convincing Santana to go was a liiitle more difficult. Her hotheaded, stubborn friend was adamant she was going to stay with Rachel. Rachel couldn't have her stay with Noelle, because Santana's agitation would mitigate all the progress Blaine would make with her daughter. In the end, it was Jesse who solved the issue, discretely sneaking out to call Brittany – after stealing the number from Rachel's phone – while the two brunettes engaged in a shouting match within Rachel's room.

Brittany popped in almost immediately and in no time at all had talked her girlfriend into leaving to rehearsals with her. When the two girls left, a drained Rachel fell back on her pillow with an exhausted sigh. "I love my friends," she said aloud, her voice audible although it was quiet, "but sometimes they can be quite the handful."

Jesse chuckled and nodded his agreement, as he put Rachel's purse inside a coat closet in the corner of the room. "They love you. They're just worried," he said, making his way back to her. His blue eyes took their time to attentively examine her, searching for any sign that she was worse for the wear after her struggles with her friends.

She was still pale, and still slightly shaky, but her color was slowly returning. Brushing his hand against her skin, he felt it slightly cooler to his touch, and bit back a relieved sigh. Whatever it was that the doctor had given to her, it was working. She was leaning against the old pillow, a small smile on her face. "I know. But I'm not a child. I can take care of myself. I don't want them to harm themselves because of me."

"You're not asking them to do anything, Rach," he opined as he settled on the chair next to her bed. "They're doing it because they want to."

She nodded, her eyes closed as she tried to relax. After a while, a sigh escaped her and then said, "You can ask me, you know. I don't think I'll bite your head off. I'm too tired to gather the energy for that."

She heard him chuckle and a small smile imperceptibly curved her lips. Had her eyes been open, she'd see how his pristinely pale face took a deep red color, blood infusing his cheeks at her having noticed his curiosity. Leaning back on his chair and stretching his legs out, he ran his hand through his curls and said as casually as he could, "So… You and… Quinn, isn't it?"

Rachel nodded. "We went to school together when we were very young, but we ran in different circles back then. When Noah and I went back home during the third trimester of my pregnancy, we ran into each other, all three of us. She thought Noah and I had gotten together, having a baby, but Noah was very quick to dispel that. I think he had an eye on her, but when he tried to ask her out she turned him down," she told him, with her eyes still closed.

He was frowning. "What does it have to do with you and Fabray?"

The brunette lazily opened an eye and a flash of irritation was clear there. "Do you want to know the story or not?" She asked.

"Sorry," he mumbled, properly chastened. "Please do go on."

"Anyways. We stayed in touch when we came back to New York. She was going to school in Yale, so after I gave birth to Noelle she started coming down here every other weekend to hang out with us. Noah was always busy with his gigs and his women and school, so it was usually Noelle, Quinn and I. One night, Santana persuaded me to go out on a party night with her and Quinn and Brittany while Blaine and Noah stayed in with Noelle. Noelle was about six months then, I think."

She took a deep breath. It had been so long ago, it almost felt like another life. When she was young, healthy and wasn't scared out of her wits in fear of dying and leaving her baby behind to be raised by a man she loved, but didn't know. "Anyways. We went to a nightclub. They drank themselves out of the table, but I couldn't, I was still nursing the baby. Quinn was drunk, very drunk. We were dancing one moment, the next we were making out. We went home together, nothing unusual. The next day, she was very embarrassed thinking I would turn my back on her, but I didn't."

"So you just… What? Jumped into a relationship?" Jesse blinked, puzzled.

A small chuckle escaped her lips. "We started hooking up. Eventually we progressed to a relationship. No, you didn't turn me a lesbian." The brunette shot him a knowing look. "I don't fall in love with a gender, Jesse, I fall for people. Quinn is a beautiful woman, very sweet, intelligent, caring, affectionate... I could see myself building a life with her, if only she hadn't been so intolerant when it came to you."

"Me?!" Jesse repeated, in shock.

Rachel nodded. "I told you I've been considering looking for you to let you know about our daughter since a little after she was born. I had spoken to Quinn about that, and although she didn't like it, she wasn't so violently against the idea. She knew you had rights, and Noelle had too, and I couldn't deny you both those rights."

"Then what changed?"

"I got sick," she said simply, "and what had been a vague 'I-have-to-do-it-someday' idea became essential. Quinn got jealous and started being outspoken on her opposition of my decision to look for you." The tiny brunette sighed. "You've heard Gabriel. He was right – Quinn and I were talking about getting married by the time we broke up. But we started fighting about it, every day, all day. It wasn't doing us any good. Worse, it was affecting Noelle, and I couldn't let that happen. So I told her she could either accept my decision or leave. She chose to leave."

A long silence stretched between them when she was done with her story. Jesse was the first to break it. "I'm sorry."

Rachel nodded. "Me too."

"But," he carried on, although the words felt like sawdust in his mouth, "you guys can get back together once you're healthy again. I promise I won't stand in the way."

She rolled her eyes. "You were **never** in the way, Jesse. But I don't think we will. I can't be with someone who doesn't support me wholeheartedly. I respect Quinn's right to have her opinion and say it, but like I said, I wasn't thinking of me. I wasn't even thinking of **you**. I was thinking about the most important person in my life, and that's my daughter. **Our** daughter. Someone who wants to share my life has to have in mind that Noelle will always come first and above everything else. Quinn proved she didn't."

Jesse nodded. The words started pouring out of him before he had time to think it through. "My marriage to Andrea was arranged when we were too young to even think about that. Her parents were friends with mine since long before we were even born. When her father approached mine with the idea of joining their fortunes through marriage, my father didn't think twice and agreed. I had no idea such deal was in place until I was fifteen and my father told me it was time to stop sleeping around and focus on my future."

Rachel's eyes were guarded, but full of pain. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I should have done it from the beginning. You told me an important part of your life just now. It's only fair I do the same."

"I didn't tell you for you to tell me something in return!" She protested.

"I know you didn't. I want you to know anyway." When she stayed quiet and didn't say anything else, he carried on. "When I was fifteen, the last thing in my mind was getting married. But my father insisted I had to honor the promise he had made in my name, and so Andrea – that was my fiancée's name – and I became unofficially engaged. Our mothers pressed for us to make it official, but we were adamant on not doing it. We were too young. Being engaged at that age would spark rumors of her being pregnant – and our parents wouldn't have that."

He sat back on his chair and ran his fingers through his hair. "My family and Andrea's – they're not like yours, Rachel. Your parents married out of love and they're still in love with each other to this day. Jonathan and Claire St. James, however, might have gotten married for love, but they stayed together for the sake of their reputation and money. Mother loved the status of being the wife of one of Ohio's richest men. And father couldn't imagine the idea of having to give half of his fortune up for a divorce settlement."

"At the time, it seemed perfect for Andrea and I. I had never fallen in love before and I couldn't see that happening to me any time soon. And Andie…" He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Andie is gay. She was deeply closeted to her parents at the time, because being lesbian was the one flaw Anne-Marie and Isaac Cohen wouldn't find in themselves to forgive. So, you see, for us, at the time, an arranged engagement was ideal."

Rachel seemed enthralled, her large eyes looking wider in her pale, thin face.

"For three years, they left us alone. Andie and I would go out, allegedly on dates, but really to find girls. But once we were done with school, the pressure for us to marry came back full force, because both Andie's mother and mine had gotten married to our fathers when they were our age, and they wanted us to do the same."

"But you weren't married when we met," Rachel whispered.

Jesse shook his head. "You're right, I wasn't. We managed to convince them to let us graduate from college before getting married, but, to soothe them, I bought Andie a ring and off to college we were. After we graduated from college, they tried to force us into marrying, but I told them I wanted to be a successful actor because I wanted to support my family with the money I earned. Because that impressed Andrea's father, we had another reprieve."

"And then…" He sighed, his eyes softening as they settled on her. "Then, two years after that… I was cast on _The Wizard of Oz_." She blushed and he smiled. "I never wanted to hide it from you, Rach. I wanted to tell you right away. In fact, I wanted to tell everyone I wasn't going to get married to Andrea, but she panicked. She told me I couldn't do that to her. She wasn't ready to own up to her reality, I think."

Rachel's eyes were full of sympathy for the woman she had never met, but whose existence in Jesse's life ruined her own. "That must have been awful for her."

"I don't know. I suppose you're right. But that… that night," he took a deep breath. It still pained him, after all those years. "I had gotten home from rehearsal to find my father waiting for me. And he was determined to see me married before the year ended. I couldn't do that, because I was in love with you. We had an awful, awful fight, and I left to the only place I knew I could find peace in."

"My apartment," she whispered, eyes full of tears.

He nodded. "After… After you left, I blew up. I told my parents everything: how Andrea was gay and we couldn't get married, how I had fallen for you and I wouldn't get married because of that. I also bitched Andrea out and, in the aftermath, she came out to her parents. They tried to disown her, of course, but her rich, Jewish grandmother threatened to cut them off if they did that, so they backed off. Of course, it was too late for us, you and me, I mean. You were gone by then, so you were lost to me."

Rachel looked at him for the longest moment, with unreadable eyes. "Thank you," she said, "for telling me." The brunette then looked away, and said quietly, "I have to think. Can you… can you give me some privacy?"

Jesse nodded, knowing fully well he had given her a lot to think about. "I could do with some coffee," he said, standing up and brushing off some inexistent lint from his pants. Without thinking, he leaned forward and pressed a sweet kiss to her forehead. "I'll be right back."

She nodded without saying a word. Once she was alone, however, the tears she had kept at bay while he told his tale broke free, running down her cheeks.

* * *

**I**t never ceased to amaze Blaine what a good job Rachel did handling Puck and his emotions and reactions. One time, when he told her exactly that, she laughed and told him she and Puck knew each other since they were babies. "It would be awkward if I **didn't** know him that well after all these years," she had said.

"There are couples who are **married** twice the time you two have of life, and they don't know each other that well," Blaine had replied, and Rachel had laughed.

"Don't let Santana hear you say that. She already says Noah and I are like an old married couple. There's no need to give her even more reason to tease us about that."

Puck had reacted to the news of Rachel's admittance to the hospital exactly like Rachel had said he would. Sam jumped into business right away, leading him out to the balcony while Blaine gathered Noelle's sprawled-around toys, putting them into her bag before tenderly picking Noelle up in his arms. She was soundly asleep on the couch and muttered something he didn't understand while wrapping her arms around his neck and settling back down.

Blaine balanced her loose, soft body on one arm, waving goodbye to Puck and Sam with the other while pressing his lips to Noelle's temple and making soothing noises against her smooth skin. There was no one in the world he loved more than Rachel's little daughter, other than Rachel herself.

Rachel had given him a reason to go on, friendship and support in a time where both their lives were going down a tailspin. Rachel was forced to give up the job she loved, the chance she had worked for all her life, the dreams she had had since she had been a child, all for the love of an unborn baby and a man who had touched her soul in a way no one had done before.

Blaine lost the man he had hoped and dreamed to marry one day. Compared to the losses Rachel had suffered, it wasn't that much, but it had been enough to him. Rachel had understood that and promised him she wouldn't hold it against him if he turned his back on her in order to win Kurt back.

Blaine, however, had adamantly refused to give up such a precious friendship. If Kurt couldn't see the error in his ways, then too bad to him. He, Blaine, was more than happy to take over the role of stylish gay uncle, helping Rachel dress her baby and give him (or her – at the time they hadn't known Rachel would be delivered of a girl) the proper education they deserved as the love child of two Broadway aficionados such as Jesse and Rachel themselves.

Blaine had been the one to accompany Rachel to all her doctor appointments during her pregnancy. It had been Blaine who helped Rachel during the awful bouts of sickness that often left her exiled to the bathroom, unable to keep anything down other than water. Blaine had been her shoulder to cry on over Jesse's lies, over the pregnancy's milestones that Jesse lost. It had been Blaine who suggested Noelle's name, and it had been Blaine who had held her hand during labor, humming, singing quietly, whispering words of encouragement.

Although he had wanted to do the same now that she was sick, Rachel had begged him not to. There wasn't anyone she trusted more than him to keep Noelle her happy, cheerful, bubbly self, and so she needed him to be, for her daughter, the rock he had been for Rachel herself during her pregnancy. So, Blaine was entrusted with caring for Noelle, while all the others cared for Rachel.

For all reasons that mattered, Blaine **was** Noelle's daddy, but he had never wanted to take over the empty spot of a father in her life. They all knew she had a father, a father who would love her as soon as he knew she existed, and Blaine was more than happy to be the uncle she loved with all her little girl's heart.

Blaine had been the first to side with Rachel when she came clean with her idea of locating Jesse to tell him about Noelle. Puck and Santana, who had lost their fathers in a very young age (Puck's dad left the family when Puck was six and his mother was nearly due with his sister; Santana's died when she was three), followed shortly after. Sam didn't care either way as long as Rachel and Noelle weren't hurt. Quinn, obviously, had been the one to fight Rachel in her decision, and because of that she lost the brunette.

All in all, Blaine loved his life. He had sisters he loved in Rachel and Santana; brothers that had his back in Puck and Sam (much to Cooper's relief, for the ad actor was a natural worrier who freaked out over his little brother being alone in the big city); and a niece who was his world in Noelle. So yeah, siding with Rachel had cost him Kurt. But he had gained so much more.

He was lost in his thoughts when he felt someone run into him. Noelle stirred sleepily, but he quickly made shushing noises in order to help her settle back down. The voice that hurriedly apologized to him for the small accident, however, was one he knew well, and he was already deathly pale when he looked up.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I was distracted, ah…" Kurt Hummel's apologies died on his lips as his azure eyes locked with Blaine's stunned hazel pools, and he breathed, "Blaine."

Blaine licked his suddenly dry lips and with a quick glance made sure Noelle's face was still hidden to Kurt's eyes before focusing back on his ex. "Hey, Kurt. Long time no see."


End file.
